I am thinking of writing a book about retirement. Am thinking of calling it Retirement for Dummies, because in the first place, who ever really came up with the idea of retirement?
It has been 7 1/2 months since we have entered this wonderful? new season. Fridays are my favorite day of the week. Randy leaves at 6 a.m. to go to men’s Bible study which starts at 6:30. It is my one day of the week that I get to wake up to….being by myself! It is a glorious morning. I don’t have to make breakfast, as he eats a donut there, I get to listen to my music and talk on the phone without him sitting there telling me to “tell her I said….” which is when I politely tell him to get his own friends but he quickly tells me he doesn’t need any, he has mine and when it is time for me to get “friends” to carry his casket, he has already seen to it that he has already hired professionals (did you know that there are people who you can hire to do that)to do that, so why does he need friends?
It is at this point that I point him in the direction of the paper to look at the employment section.
The other day I was in the kitchen whipping up a pie and he ask if I needed him to open the can of fruit or roll out the pie crust. OK, now this is when it gets scary. As I am finishing up the pastry for the pie, I turn and see him looking through the TV Guide to see what time Ellen comes on. You are kidding me.
Each time I have to ask him to move from in front of the dishwasher so I can open it to put in dishes, he says, “I bet that you are going to write about me on the blog today, right?” Oh boy, does he follow me around the house so that I will write about him or is this what retirement is all about?
Where are the fun-filled Winnabago trips across America? When do we escape to a sun-soaked island paradise for a month? What about all the social functions that we had promised ourselves we would participate in when he didn’t have to go to work? I think I can answer those question.
The fun-filled Winnabago trip would end up with us divorcing. If we get on each others nerves in a 1800 sq foot house, we would kill each other in a motor home.
The trip across American might end with one of us throwing the other over the edge of the Grand Canyon. The island adventure is off because we are to old and fat to be seen in a swimming suit in public and the social functions…well, according to Mr. Party Animal, who needs socials when we make several trips each week to Walmart.
Ah…the retirement life, it is just one exciting Friday after another. I need to close and write a letter to our pastor asking him to expand Men’s Bible Study to 3 times a week.

There is a problem when you have a blog. My mind races every day around either recipes or tips which I either hear from others or read about. It is times like today that I have so much to say, but don’t want to bore you to death with info when really all you are wanting is a new recipe. But…I can’t stand it. I just have to pass on several things.
1. In art class today I overhead a lady talk about the “correct” way to ripen fruit. When I ask her what that was, she proceeded to tell me that you should always include an apple in the sack (which you are suppose to close and put in a dark place) where you have placed your peaches or plums or nectarines. She says that the apple absorbs some type of gas that I can’t even begin to pronounce or spell, which causes the fruit not to ripen as it should. She also stated that is the reason you should never have fruit ripening in the fridge when you have tulips in your fridge,(which if you are like me, tulips have never been in my fridge, but you never know when they might be) as the gas expelling from the fruit will not allow the tulips to open and bloom.
Now, are you not thankful to know this. How could you have gone another day without this knowledge.
Info #2. We were at Whataburger a couple of days ago as I was craving a hamburger, as I do approx. 2-3 times a week. Because we had just left the house and had not really planned on stopping for lunch quite yet, I had poured myself a glass of tea for our errand running afternoon. But as we walked past a hamburger place I told RC that I couldn’t take it. I HAD to have a hamburger, NOW. So off to Whataburger we go and because I didn’t want to waste the tea that I had brought with me, I decided to take it in with me. Randy ask me if I was sure I wanted to do that, because he didn’t want to get thrown out for bringing in our own drinks, but I told him I would take the blame so only one of us would have to eat our burger in the car. So off we go and order. I just ordered a hamburger, he ordered a #7, which includes a drink. When he comes over to the table, he sets down his drink and then puts a glass of tea in front of me. I looked at him with a curious look. He tells me that he thinks that the man taking our order felt sorry for us and that he told Randy to give his wife this glass of tea. I guess he thought we looked like we were probably retired and poor and was trying to do a good deed for us “oldies”. That’s when I came up with a plan. I’m going to do that if we ever go to a high class restaurant. Maybe we will get more than a glass of tea “on the house”.
Fact #3 This week I found myself missing our friends back in California. It has always been said that if you are down, do something nice for others and you won’t have time to think about yourself. So I got in the kitchen to bake several different desserts for friends who we would be seeing this week. Before I actually was able to deliver all these new recipes which were intended for others, Randy and I scarfed down 2 different new baked items. The point of this fact is this. It is great to do for others and it did, in fact, take my mind of myself. The sad part is this, I gained 5 lbs while attempting to do a good deed. The moral of this story is; do not think that you can bake for others and not eat it yourself if it stays in your house for over 30 min before giving it away. It’s just not possible.

I guess this is all I have learned this week. Isn’t it amazing how much you can learn from the internet. And the most important fact is this, if you read it on the internet, it must be true.