I am thinking of writing a book about retirement. Am thinking of calling it Retirement for Dummies, because in the first place, who ever really came up with the idea of retirement?
It has been 7 1/2 months since we have entered this wonderful? new season. Fridays are my favorite day of the week. Randy leaves at 6 a.m. to go to men’s Bible study which starts at 6:30. It is my one day of the week that I get to wake up to….being by myself! It is a glorious morning. I don’t have to make breakfast, as he eats a donut there, I get to listen to my music and talk on the phone without him sitting there telling me to “tell her I said….” which is when I politely tell him to get his own friends but he quickly tells me he doesn’t need any, he has mine and when it is time for me to get “friends” to carry his casket, he has already seen to it that he has already hired professionals (did you know that there are people who you can hire to do that)to do that, so why does he need friends?
It is at this point that I point him in the direction of the paper to look at the employment section.
The other day I was in the kitchen whipping up a pie and he ask if I needed him to open the can of fruit or roll out the pie crust. OK, now this is when it gets scary. As I am finishing up the pastry for the pie, I turn and see him looking through the TV Guide to see what time Ellen comes on. You are kidding me.
Each time I have to ask him to move from in front of the dishwasher so I can open it to put in dishes, he says, “I bet that you are going to write about me on the blog today, right?” Oh boy, does he follow me around the house so that I will write about him or is this what retirement is all about?
Where are the fun-filled Winnabago trips across America? When do we escape to a sun-soaked island paradise for a month? What about all the social functions that we had promised ourselves we would participate in when he didn’t have to go to work? I think I can answer those question.
The fun-filled Winnabago trip would end up with us divorcing. If we get on each others nerves in a 1800 sq foot house, we would kill each other in a motor home.
The trip across American might end with one of us throwing the other over the edge of the Grand Canyon. The island adventure is off because we are to old and fat to be seen in a swimming suit in public and the social functions…well, according to Mr. Party Animal, who needs socials when we make several trips each week to Walmart.
Ah…the retirement life, it is just one exciting Friday after another. I need to close and write a letter to our pastor asking him to expand Men’s Bible Study to 3 times a week.