Toilet Talk

Names of the guilty are not being used as I promised that no mention of their names would be used in this post.
There we were, minding our own business at the grocery store when all of a sudden we looked up from the little while powdered donuts that Peter was throwing into the cart. Since company arrives from California tomorrow for the weekend, we were loading up on good quality toilet paper instead of the awful stuff that he makes us use and splurging on Name Brand green beans instead of the store brand. After all, we don’t want to be known as tightwads. We looked up with pride in our eyes that we actually went for all the top notch brands, when there right in front of us are friends we know from our neighborhood. We exchanged pleasantries about what we were all doing for the weekend, when the wife says, (and I quote) “what kind of toilet do ya’ll have?” I answered, “a white one”. She looks at Randy and says, “no, I mean, is it round or oblong?” All I know is I’m the one who cleans it, I never payed attention to what shape it is. She then proceeds to tell us that they are getting ready to buy a new toilet and the salesman at Home Depot told her that men don’t like the round ones because (sorry for the potty talk) it is harder to aim. So he recommends a oblong shape. They, and I mean, Randy and the other two, as I have walked off pretending to look over the type of roast I want to buy, began discussing how hard it is to sit down on the round ones because it doesn’t fit guys butts as well as the oblong. Then the wife begins to tell us that her leg gets a pain in it when she sits on theirs, to which my darling husband says to her, “well, maybe you shouldn’t sit so long on it.” Maybe that is why we don’t have many friends. He always has such cute little remarks that come out before I have the chance to monitor them.
As they continue having this discussion, here comes another friend from our community. Thank goodness, I guess they didn’t want him to know about how they all sit for how long on the potty, so we all said our goodbyes after customers began to glare at us blocking the bread aisle. We walked off and I told Randy, “and that’s why I never go to the store without make up or earrings.” You never know when you are going to run into friends who might need some counseling, even if it’s just about their bathroom habits. Wasn’t it just yesterday that when we ran into friends in the store, we spent the time talking about the latest vacation or showing pictures of our precious grandkids? Now, we run into people and the talk turns to toilets and what brand of heartburn medicine do we buy.

A new season has dawned. We left worried that we might be nearing the end of our ability to use a normal 13″ high toilet. Is the need for the high 18″ toilet in our near future because we can’t bend down that far? If so, I guess pictures on the new toilet will replace the pics of grandkids so we will have something to talk about. You never know when you might run into friends at the grocery store.

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