Dumpster Diving

“Randy has hit an all time low. Yesterday we ran to the store to get a few items and while we were out, he told me that there were several sacks of clothing that we needed to drop off at one of the clothes donation boxes, so be on the lookout for one as we drove by parking lots. Well, I spotted one, so he pulled over and since I am such a giving person, I told him that he didn’t have to undo his seat belt and weather the wind gusts that were blowing profusely up to 40 mph. But that’s just the kind of person I am, thoughtful, kind and….well, at least I was until he did the unthinkable. When we were pulling up to the donation box, he slows down to a crawl and says to me, “look, isn’t that just the kind of seat we have been saying that we would go buy for Payton when the kids come over to eat?” I glared at him and said, “don’t even think about it Mister.”

So I got the clothes out of the trunk and placed them in the box. Feeling so very good about us keeping up with our closets this year and instead of putting all the clothes in a bin in our garage labeled, “SIZE WE WISH WE WERE”, we were going ahead and just giving up on that dream and giving the clothes away now, instead of letting the kids burn them when we are gone.

As I began to open the car door to get in, he continues, “just look, that seat is still in the box and it does look like exactly the one that we said would be perfect for our little 9 month old princess.” I reminded him that there are cameras all over the parking lot and if he thought for even one minute that I was going to have my rear end plastered all over a security camera screen in some warehouse somewhere, he was just crazy. After all, I am a author now. Authors don’t go stealing “junk” that sits outside the donation boxes in Walmart parking lots. What if the camera saw us and wanted to use us as examples of “why they ask people not to leave items outside the boxes ‘ and my rear end would end up on the 10:00 News. He told me I watched TV too much and, of course, they didn’t care if items were taken that were still sitting outside the donation boxes. How does he know that? Has he brought home other items that came from outside donation boxes? Does one really ever know their spouse? Maybe that is where he found my new ironing board? or the new lamp that he told me he found that was such a “great deal!”

Well, the new high chair is all sanitized and ready for Payton when she comes over next time. We won’t tell her parents where the chair came from, other than saying, “oh, it was such a great deal and was just exactly what we had been looking for.”  Randy just told me he had some errands to run and told me not to ask where he was going nor could I ask where he had been if he walks in the door with a doll house or wagon; just have the disinfectant out and ready. Wonder which news channel I should watch tonight?

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