Grocery Store Blues

I am totally depressed. Not only do the grocery stores in California NOT have Sister Schubert rolls, which are totally necessary for dinner parties, they are short on a few items necessary for this butter queen to bake like a true southern belle. We are having company for dinner tonight and took the menu straight out of Southern Living Magazine which is right next to the Bible in things I would take with me if my house caught on fire. I notice that the recipe that I have chosen, calls for a chocolate cookie crust and chocolate covered York mints. So I grab my purse, head for the grocery store only to discover that the grocery store doesn’t stock chocolate graham cracker crusts. That’s ok, I will just buy chocolate graham crackers and make my own. I walk excitedly to the cookie isle thinking how proud I will be when I have to announce that I made my own crusts because the store didn’t carry the prepared kind I needed. That is when I discover that low and behold, they do not carry chocolate graham cookies. That’s ok, this is even better, now I can brag that I had to buy chocolate cookies and use those since there were no chocolate graham cookies, but….feeling my heart beat faster as I comb the isle going back and forth looking for chocolate cookies other than oreos or fudge marshmellow cookies, I discover that there are no chocolate wafer cookies. I head over to the butter isle just to be sure that there is real butter, pick up a stick to smell it to recover from my fainting spell…I did come to the grocery store, and not the hardware store, right? I look around and see the bottled water, the salad fixings and take a deep breath. Yes, I am in a grocery store. Well, I decide that I will do the only thing I can do, I buy a package of chocolate chip cookies to use for my chocolate cookie crust. At least they had those. But York mints, no, don’t have those either. I have to buy several little boxes of Jr Mints, which were not fun to try to dice. So I buy a few more items head to the check out counter and pay for my groceries. Still fuming that they do not have items that are considered “stationary grocery items in Dallas” I am walking out to the door, trying to decide who I can call and complain that these California grocery stores are just not going to cut it in my “southern butter belt” cooking world, when all of a sudden I hear a young lady yell, “ma’m, ma’m”. Is she talking to me? When I see everyone looking in my direction, I decide that she is and I turn around to see the sweet young checker who is proably not over 13 years old, running to me holding up a magnifying glass telling me, “oh ma’m, you forgot your magnifying glass”…..I quickly told her that that was not mine, that I had perfect vision; why I could even clearly see the tattoo on her ankle without even bending over. I am not going back to the grocery store, I am now ordering on-line and having groceries delivered. The whole experience was just too much for me, am even having my anti-depressants delivered, not going to take the chance of going to Walgreens, they might think the “Depends” coupon on the floor is mine.