Tag: Marriage

Daily Thoughts · Uncategorized

Marriage Memories

Chocolate Castles2 Comments

January 2nd, 2020. Where did 2019 go? In fact, where has the last 25 years gone? Years ago, I remember hearing old people say, “oh my goodness, the older I get, the faster time flies.” Now, I’m one of those old people and indeed it is so true. Each week just seems to go faster and faster.

Randy and I were driving home yesterday from doing errands and we passed an Old Chicago Pizza place. As we drove by it, a memory flashed in my mind from 24 years ago, to a night either right after we married or shortly before we married. He had picked me up after work and said, “I want to take you to one of my favorite places for pizza.” Well, you don’t have to ask me twice. So off we went, and me, always loving a sense of adventure, didn’t even ask where we were going. I love surprises and knew that if it were one of his favorite places, then it surely would be one of mine as well. When we drove up to Old Chicago Pizza on Beltline in Dallas, I looked at him and the look of love was all over his face. You could tell he was excited to take me to a new place that he loved and I was so excited to be going to someplace new. So as we sit there, he begins to tell me why this is his favorite pizza. I sat there with stars in my eyes, hanging on every word, knowing that this would become a new favorite of mine as well. The pizza is delivered to our table and we both pick up a slice of pizza. He is in heaven as he begins to ask me how I like it, I respond, “oh my goodness, this is the best pizza I have every had. I’m so glad you brought me here and I totally understand why you love it so much. It is just delicious.”

We continued the wonderful evening knowing that this was another reason that we were soul mates. We both loved pizza, hated salmon, green peas and sushi….fast forward 24 years…

After driving by OCP yesterday, that memory came back to me and I began to laugh. When Randy ask me why I was laughing, I had to admit that all those years ago, when he took me to OCP, I was so in love with him that I went along with his “love of OCP” I really hadn’t liked it at all because I”m a thin crust pizza girl and that was deep dish which i really do not like at all. But, because it was important to him that I like it and he wanted to please me, I had lied and told him what he wanted to hear. Isn’t that what girls in love do so many times.

Because I started to think of how I would handle that situation now was what made me laugh. If we had walked into OCP like we did those 24 years ago, would I just sit there, let him order what he wanted and then eat it like it was the best pizza ever? The answer to that question was what made me laugh. I can just see the scenario now….”dear, what do you think of the pizza, isn’t it wonderful” Randy would ask. “Do you really expect me to eat this? You know I only like thin crust pizza and yet you bring me to a pizza place that only serves thick crust pizza? Why didn’t you tell me where we were going and I would have reminded you that I don’t like thick crust pizza. See, you never listen or pay attention to me when I talk to you. If you had you would have remembered that I don’t like thick crust pizza.” Hum……..what a difference 24 years makes!

As we rode in the car after passing OCP and laughed at the difference between then and now, it reminded us both that maybe 2020 might be a good year to work on some of our attitudes with each other. Do we love each other still? Absolutely, even more each day. But those little differences creep in to our lives and we don’t accept those differences or opinions as well as we use to. We sometimes get so caught up in our own likes and dislikes that we expect the other to change to who and what we feel they should become. A couple of years ago my word for the year was kindness.
(I wrote a post about that if you would care to go back and read it on the blog. Just put in One Word in the search bar)
Maybe this new year I need to make that word one of my goals. We all have times which we find it hard to be kind to those who are closest to us. But, remembering that night so long ago and how good it made me feel to keep my opinion to myself and how good it made him feel to know he had pleased me by taking me to one of his favorite pizza joints, gives me a new desire to choose kindness more days in this new year.

As long as he doesn’t try to take me to one of his new found food love places, Sushi and Salmon R Us, it will be a little easier to be kind….

Daily Thoughts · Uncategorized

Soap Opera Marriage

Chocolate Castles2 Comments

This post is a little different from previous posts. Next week I will be starting a new Bible Study of the life of Elijah from 1 & 2 Kings in the Old Testament.
Looking through the new study book for this course, one of the questions ask is,
What things in todays world is discouraging to me?” As I thought about that question, one of the things that came to my mind are the many marriages which are struggling. It seems that each week brings a new story of friends or acquaintances whose family is being torn apart by divorce. As I think back about my life and the struggle which resulted in divorce and the pain it caused for those in our family and friends, it made me stop and think about things we hear and know which certainly have not helped in today’s marriages. Yes, today’s marriages seem to be so different from the marriages of years past. What I am writing today is part my story and partly, stories of what I hear from friends whose kids are in the midst of trying to either save a marriage or trying to reconcile to the new season of being a single parent. Hopefully this post will allow someone to see themselves or someone they love and know that there is hope and there is a Heavenly Father Who is there to walk with them through what will be a very tough time.

As I listened to a friend the other day talk about one of their children’s marriage, we began to think back over our lives from when we were the age of our kids and what we felt contributed to some of the problems we had as young marrieds.
In the 70’s, I remember watching soap operas during the day while doing housework or taking care of babies. Thinking back over those years, it came to mind that as I would sit and watch, the addiction began that I couldn’t just watch one; as one ended, another would begin and I would tell myself that I would just watch one more. It became something that I found myself adjusting my housework or meal prep for times that I could sit down and watch my programs. When my husband began to tell me that my mood changed depending on what had happened that day on my “soaps” I laughed. But after a while I began to look at my marriage as one which did not look like the one on TV. My view of marriage became distorted. I began to expect my husband to be like the one I watched everyday in a world that definitely was not real. Reality became blurred.
Yes, there were other problems in the marriage, but this loss of reality certainly did not help. I remember a friend talking to me about my marriage and was I doing everything I could to make it whole. Yes, the old saying that “it takes two” to make it good or bad is true. But what was I really doing to help make it “good”? At the time, I thought I was doing my part. I kept a clean house, always had meals ready, took care of the kids and was always up at the school volunteering for anything needed. But, what was I doing for my husband and I? Now, when it is so easy to see some of the things that we now know were certainly not contributing to a healthy marriage, it would be so great to be able to help young marriages by using the wisdom gained through the years.
Looking back, when our marriage was deteriorating, I choose women for my friends whose marriages were falling apart. Instead of choosing wise Godly women who would have helped me and been able to guide me with God’s Truth, I choose the ones who sometimes encouraged me to divorce or would sympathize with me to the point to where I thought it was all my husband’s fault. It is so easy to criticize the younger generations today in saying that they are the “entitlement” generation which thrives on wanting everything they feel will make them feel better about themselves. But didn’t I do the same thing all those years ago? Now, it is easy to see that I wanted it to be all about me and what I needed and wanted.

Also, I did not do “everything” I could have done to help the situation. Reading today’s devotion from Jim Cymbala led me to think so much of our young marrieds. So many make decisions that hinder not only their spiritual growth, but hinder God’s working in their marriages. It’s not only the younger marrieds but couples who have been married for years. When we are facing battles in our lives, why don’t we turn to the Lord, instead of to the world? Why do we think that the world and friends who are not walking with the Lord, can give us the Godly wisdom which will insure that we can truly say, “we are leaning on God and His guidance? We don’t live in a sin-free world and we do know that Satan is out to destroy families and marriages. Knowing this, why does that not make us lean on God that much more? We struggle with daily life decisions. We struggle with daily relationships. We struggle with knowing how and what to do to help our kids have a life that allows them to see how important God is to us.
All these struggles are real. BUT…there is an answer. That answer is Jesus Christ who wants our hearts, our lives and our worship. Why do we think that we can walk in the world, yet expect Him to work a miracle in our life? As I mentioned in this mornings devotion, Pastor Cymbala wrote, “God is ready to radically change things because no obstacle is too difficult for him. Possibly you face a dilemma of some kind today. Maybe it is related to your marriage or a son or daughter who is not serving God. Or possibly you need the Lord to heal you in the realm of your emotions. Whatever the case, remember that we have a God who can “break out” and supernaturally help us. And it all begins when we slow down and humble ourselves in prayer. We must bring our individual circumstances before God, as David (in the Psalms) did, with a yielded will that desires to know what he wants us to do. “Break Outs” begin not with noise and clamor, but with a surrendered heart.” *
Why not commit our lives to daily walking in His ways, read God’s Word, surround ourselves with people who lead us to the Cross, not away from it. Attend a Bible believing church and allow ourselves to have Christian friendships which will walk with us in our struggles. Begin our day asking the Lord to guide us into ALL TRUTH and then use us for His Glory, not our own.
Soap opera marriages are not real. But God Is…trust Him and depend on Him wanting to “Break Out” of our old patterns and expect Him to do mighty and glorious things.
*taken from Jim Cymbala Daily Devotions

Daily Thoughts · Uncategorized

Anniversaries Bring Annoyances

Chocolate Castles3 Comments

April Anniversaries, ah….makes the month go by so quickly when I spend the first 2 weeks of April trying to plan something special for Mr. Romance. The 3rd week we spend celebrating and the 4th week, is usually spent taking back all the gifts each other has bought for the other and promising that the next year we will just plan a trip instead of trying to buy gifts for each other. So here we are in the last few days of our special month. Leading up to the 18th was really a little different this year. Because last year, Randy was not able to travel or go anywhere due to a dislocated shoulder and broken bones in his arm (and no, I didn’t get so annoyed that I hit him) and told me that he would NOT go out to eat until he could cut up his own food, we celebrated at home for our special day. This year, he wanted to make up for the past year, so we began our day at Starbucks then went shopping until we dropped. We did come home for a few hours to rest our achy feet and then drove to Scottsdale to have dinner at Houstons, where we chowed down on some of our favorite dishes, ending the night sharing a piece of their famous Key Lime Pie AND….he ordered one to go so we could have it again the next night. It was a grand day. But…because the years sometimes bring out those little bitty things that we just didn’t happen to notice about the other in the first 15 years of marriage, we have discovered that we are still learning things about each other. For example, I have learned that my darling husband considers it thrilling to wait until he is driving 65 MPH down the freeway before trying to fasten his seat belt (remember he still doesn’t have full use of his left arm and has to drive with one arm). Today when I had to grab the steering wheel to bring us back over to our lane, I told him,

” Randy, this is just a thought and maybe I”m wrong, but just maybe, wouldn’t it be fun to fasten your seat belt BEFORE leaving the driveway?” His response to me was, “it wouldn’t be as challenging” I told him that his next challenge might be trying to keep the back of a one size fits all hospital gown that only fits people who weight less than 130, closed as he walks down the halls, if he continues to do that.

My next annoyance came the other day as we were headed out to run errands. When I ask him if he took Oliver out before we left he quickly responded with , “shoot, I forgot I have a bag of poop in my pocket”! What? oh my gosh, here we are headed to the grocery store and my husband, who now goes by the name Mr. Poop Pocket, has a zip lock bag of doggie poop in his pocket. His usual routine is that after walking Oliver, he throws the small bag of you know what in the garbage before coming in the house. But for some reason, that day he forgot. I informed him that if he ever did that and I ended up throwing his shorts with poop in the pocket in the wash, well…all I can say is that it would take him more than a day of  taking me shopping and a dinner at Houstons to make up for that.

Since that day, I am getting better at checking his pockets before throwing them in the wash. I’m also learning to remind him to fasten his seatbelt before leaving our driveway. I would write to tell you about his annoyances with me, but he assures me that even after these 22 years, he couldn’t think of a thing. That’s my story and this is my blog and I will write whatever I want.

Daily Thoughts

Taking Back My Kitchen

Chocolate Castles5 Comments

I remember it like it was yesterday, the day Randy retired. Sure it sounded like a great idea at the time. We had plans to take cooking classes together, drive in to Sonic every afternoon at 3 to get a buy one-get one free-cherry cola, watch movies until midnight, all cuddled up eating popcorn and feasting on the homemade brownies that we would bake together in the early evenings, right before our stroll, hand in hand through the neighborhood.

Those were the plans 6 months ago. Today, well, let’s just say that plans have changed.  By early afternoons, we are barely speaking. Driving to Sonic would actually make us ride closed up in the same car, which is not going to happen any time soon. I made sure that the guns we had in the house have been sold on Craig’s Lists. Just didn’t want to take any chances.

One day last week, while I am in the kitchen making frosting for a cake, unbeknownst to me, as I am scraping the cream cheese just to be sure I got every last drop of it (as I am constantly reminded that we are now on a retirement budget), he comes right beside me and proceeds to unwrap the butter and ask me if it goes in the same bowl as the cream cheese. Really? I can no longer make frosting by myself? What has happened to our glorious plans of how retirement was suppose to go? I have forgotten the way to WallMart because I never get to drive there myself. Shopping at Macy’s? Not anymore. I am told that with us being “retired”, how many blouses do I really need anyway? He even watches Ellen with me. Last week, he told me that he had been thinking that maybe he should get a pedicure just to see what they are like so would I make “us” an appointment for next week. He is now clipping Hobby Lobby coupons for me and has rearranged the garage so many times that my car doesn’t know which side to park when the garage door goes up.

He has shown me a much cleaver way to fold clothes. I never knew that how I folded them wasn’t “cleaver”.

We now make shopping lists since we don’t want to waste gas having to go back and forth to the store. That was my only way to get out of the house. Using the excuse that I had forgot to buy bread and cocoa. I am having to become a little more creative of why I need to leave the house. Please don’t tell him that 64 year old women don’t just, poof, start having periods again, since I used that excuse to have to run to the store the other day.

I now tell him that I didn’t have a check with me when I had a manicure so I need to run a check up to the salon. It is my little secret that I have started adding just a little “Benedryl” to his afternoon coffee so that  his normal 15 minute nap that he likes to take now, lasts an hour. Ah…an hour to myself. What do I want to do with my hour? Read, bake? The  excitement of all the possibilities of  the things I could do while he is asleep, wears me out and I usually end up falling asleep, only to wake up to him standing over me telling me that it’s time for us to watch Ellen and boy, wouldn’t a bowl of fresh popped popcorn taste good. It is so great that he doesn’t like to visit people in the hospital so that has become my new hobby. I visit people I don’t even know.

The golden years, isn’t that what they call this season of life? I guess that’s because the tape that is used to mark off our own territory in our homes is yellow,  Next time you are invited to a retirement party, forget the gift cards or the travel brochures to give the couple. Give them a roll of Yellow Duct tape. It might just save their marriage.