Memory, Depression & Cholesterol

Today was a rude awakening for me. Just returning from the doctor office, I have some great suggestions, some new insights and some new thoughts. First of all, if you are under 40, just go read a different blog and don’t waste your time reading this.  While you are still “fit” and young and can eat anything you like without worrying about wearing sleeveless blouses, or wondering if the Twinkie you are devouring is going to be your last one until your birthday, when you are allowed to have a treat, this blog is not for you.

Upon entering the doctor’s office, I was given a sheet of questions, such as:

Are you depressed, or lack motivation to participate in normal daily activities?

Do you have trouble falling or staying asleep? Well, I didn’t until now, when I will probably stay awake wondering if I passed this stupid test.

How many times have you fallen in the last two months? Really? So the fall that I had back 3 months ago, I can forget about.

Well, I aced that test! I was able to mark NA on all of the awful questions except one. I did walk out of the bedroom the other day forgetting I had just mopped and as soon as I hit the wet floor, I fell, butt first and landed on my elbow. But…because I eat (not drink) lots of milk by consuming my weight (a girl doesn’t get to be this size by just eating veggies and salads) in cakes, puddings and milkshakes, I guess I have great bones.

So I bounced (ok, maybe waddled a little) into the doctor’s office with a little smirk on my face leaving the old folks back in the waiting room, as they probably thought to themselves, “wow, look at her go, she is spry and doesn’t even need to wear orthopedic shoes!”   I was ready to defend any question the Dr might have for me.

But before the dr came in, Donna Nurse walks in and sits down in front of me and informs me that today “we” meaning me I guess, will have a memory test. No sweat. I will show this little teeny bopper I still know what year it is and also still remember who is President, even though it’s been several months since the election. Well, Nurse Donna gives me a list of 5 items which she said she will ask me to repeat. Ok, no problem, I am repeating them over and over in my mind. Wait…what did she just say? She is going to read me a story before asking me to repeat the 5 items? You are kidding me. I missed the first half of the story still trying to keep the list of the 5 items straight in my mind. So I had to ask her to start the story over as I wasn’t concentrating because of the first 5 things I was trying to remember. OK, I missed the lady of the stories name, and when ask to repeat the 5 items, I forgot “pie”. How could I miss the word pie, I bake one everyday for Pete’s sake. So then she tells me I have to give her the number she will give me, in reverse. She says, “78” then I say “87”. So far so good. UNTIL…she gets to 8,753. Im suppose to repeat that as 3, 578. I couldn’t do it. I got the 3 right, and ended with 3,something 5 something. Donna Nurse takes a couple of notes and says “the dr will be right in”…

I had forgot that the other day a friend of mine said that she was given a memory test when she went in for a physical and they ask her to repeat the alphabet backwards. She said, “if you are smart, you will write it on the inside of your hand so you will be able to repeat it to them. I had totally forgot to do that so was so thankful I had a different test.

So now the doctor comes in and sits across from me, writing notes on his computer. When he looked up at me, he told me that all my blood work had come back normal except, and here it is folks, cholesterol. I was WAY over 200 and according to him, I guess I shouldn’t wait on filling out a Living Will paper, as he sent for one for me to fill out. So my suggestions to the medical personal is this:

Wait until after the doctor visit to have us fill our the sheets that ask about depression or lack of interest in daily activities. I came in feeling great and left with a sense of doom and gloom. I came home and threw away the firm bananas, as I probably won’t live long enough to see them ripen. I have now lost any desire to pursue daily activities as “why bother, since he had me fill out my LW, I probably won’t live long enough to finish painting a picture. Or, why get involved with the new season of Designated Survivor, I probably won’t live to see the last episode”.

Instead of telling you how bad your health looks and then telling the nurse to go get a living will for the patient to sign, maybe just have the LW in a packet of papers and suggest that we might go home and read over and think about what we might want. I felt that if I didn’t sign it before leaving, I might not get the chance to make the decision as apparently he was worried I might not make it home.

When I inquired about having a hearing test done, he told me that maybe I didn’t really want to hear better, as I might not want to hear what he had to say about diet and exercise. He is such a smart alec.   He ended up telling me that because of the new guidelines, he has to ask me a couple of questions that will make me wonder “what business is it of his” but I told him to proceed. Here are the questions he ask.

! What type of heat do we have in our home, gas or electric?

2. Are there any guns in the house. I told him no, that I had a rolling pin and didn’t need a gun when I had rolling pin that was perfect for pies and combat. He looked at me and told me that maybe that was why my cholesterol was so high.

I guess that the medical professionals are now worried that when we leave their offices they want to know if we have a gas oven or gun in the house in case we are so depressed when we leave, we take our Living Will paper and go stick our heads in the oven. I would have except I have to wait until the cake I baked is finished baking. If i’m going out soon, why bother with dieting.

After I got home I was able to go over all the details with Randy and we both decide that it is so good that old folks are already retired. We would never be allowed to take off work as much as we needed to go have all these awful tests done. After reading all the tests that he is sending me for, more depression and gloom set it. So now I guess I have to call and make another appointment to see if I can get a prescription for an antidepressant. But wait, then I will have to go have more blood tests done to be sure that medication is not effecting my liver….and so it goes!

And they wonder why we put off going to the doctor? I think from now on, I will just go on line and google my medical questions.  You aren’t required to do a memory test. As long as I can remember how to google, I’m good!