Today after going to the mall with my 36 year old daughter, I have decided that I am going to run for office. I’m not sure yet, what I will run for, but which ever political official that can order mall employees around. We had just entered the mall, rented a stroller, for the two year old, not me,when we were approached by a man in his probably 20’s, pass right in front of me to hand Jodi a free sample of hand lotion. I stuck my hand out to get a free sample, but apparently, he must have just been caught up in the moment of giving his sales pitch and didn’t see that my hand was reaching out for some of the magical lotion that, according to him, can cure everything from cancer to Alzimers. (sorry, don’t know how to spell that, maybe I did, but I have forgot how).
I really didn’t think too much of him ignoring me until we got to the next little teenybopper. Again, free samples. Again, passed over me to give to my daughter. What is going on? I ask her if she noticed that they were completely ignoring me to try to make their sell to someone other than me, who might, just might, be wearing my, “I love my grandkids more than chocolate” t-shirt. She did say that maybe, just maybe, the salespeople were instructed to go for the young moms because sometimes the “more weathered” ladies were a bit grouchy when people tried to stop them to make a sale. I immediately stuck my nose in the air and marched over to the McDonalds food stand to get my $1.00 apple pie. Who do those youngsters think they are? Do they think that I’m to cheap to shell out money for hand cream or a hair extention?
If I were President, I would immediately hire people that were over 75 to work in the malls. That way, I would be considered the “youngster” and would be given free samples of hand cream and be ask if I would like to see what I looked like with a hair extention. Heck, I would like to see what I look like with just a full head of hair that didn’t frame my face with “blonde” (I like to call it blonde, calling it gray makes me sound old).
If I were president, I would carpet all the malls so my knee wouldn’t hurt when I had walked it’s length, trying to look cute and young in my 2″ heeled sandals. I would play Barry Manilow over the loud speakers in the stores so the sales people could hear me yelling at them from the dressing room when trying to get the too small blouse stuck over my head. I think they just keep resizing the clothes. I really don’t think that I have changed 3 sizes in 1 year.
If I were President, I would rent tennis shoes so that after the first 3 hours otf shopping I could bag my cutesy shoes and go rent a pair for comfort. Maybe a sweater rental kiosk would come in handy also. I would hand out free Heartburn pills for after those times when, trying to look cool in front of your kids and grandkids, we loaded up a bit too much on Auntie Anne’s or Cinnabon after scarfing down a Great American cookie.
All this to say that if you vote for me, I will promise to make our malls in American a more Senior Friendly place.
A place where we would be given our fair share of free samples and youngsters under 30 had to work in the stockrooms. Just a thought.